So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I will be naked everywhere
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
