Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize