Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
