dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just want to make out with him forever
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize