The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
