I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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