So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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