grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
