Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
