You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
