very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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