Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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