you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
