Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
