Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My ass is underappreciated
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
