I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
