When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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