11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
