Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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