Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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