You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
