I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
