and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
