She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
