is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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