fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
