i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
