i don't plan on having that self control this summer
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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