My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
