He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm both gender and math confused
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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