He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
