; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
