I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
