This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
