I want to make a zoo with you.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
