Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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