Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There r osticjed everywhere
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
