he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
