I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
