Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
