Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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