I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
