OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
