he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
