We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
