it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
