I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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