i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
