is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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