i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
