Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
