first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
