I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
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This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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