oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
