i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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