Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
