yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
