discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
