i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
