i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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