You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize
