so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Alive.
So much puke
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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