I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
