Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
