"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
There's always time for handjobs
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
