she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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