There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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