So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
