I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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