hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
