Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
