Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i dont even know how to be here
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
