You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
