I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
