I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
