Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
