If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize