when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
