I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
