3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
