i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Randomize
