Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
